Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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