she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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