i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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