Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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