i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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