I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
