We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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