He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
