he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
