Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
