He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
