he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize