I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
