Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
