I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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