will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
