Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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