If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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