You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
