I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
