I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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