Sry I called you an 8
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
