By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
