My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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