I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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