What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
