Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
