Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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