I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
