i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
