Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
