How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
