A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
