Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
