Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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