I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
