3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My room smells like vodka and shame
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
