if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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