no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
