I could have mohawked her pubes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
