oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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