if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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