Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
