that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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