not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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