there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
