I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have demons in me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
