First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize