if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
