I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
