dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize