Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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