that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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