so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Randomize