i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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