so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
