Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
