I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
