if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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