i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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