Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
