it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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