Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
