I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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