i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
